Now that’s a loaded question! The Powerful Cholerics would say they are, because they keep things running. The Proper Melancholic would say they are, because they keep everything organized and in order. The Peaceful Phlegmatics would say they are, because they keep everyone getting along. And the Playful Sanguines would say they are, because they bring the fun. Most personalities feel like their personality is the best. But truth be known, all personalities have strengths and struggles. All personalities are needed in this world. So which personality is the best personality?
The one living in their strengths!
It can be tempting to look at the personalities of children and think, “Why can’t my child be more like that?!” That can be a normal response. After all, you may think another personality looks more fun, happier, more compliant, more similar to yours, or just plain easier. But please try to remind yourself that each personality has a special role and function. Just like a box of crayons has many different shades and colors, so does the world of people! You may need a blue to color the sky, a yellow for the sun, green for the grass, and a red for the fire engine zooming by! There is not one color that can do it all!
It is also important to remember that being a certain personality does not mean that we write off teaching our children to do things outside of their personalities. Granted, you may have a child whose natural personality is very orderly and even organizes things for fun. This Proper Melancholic child will probably keep a clean room and need little direction in doing so. On the other hand you may have a Playful Child that can’t keep track of anything and can’t keep order of their life depended on it. That doesn’t mean that the Playful Child gets to write off being clean or ordered. You as a parent may need to work with the Playful Child to help them learn what methods help them keep their room clean and manageable. Likewise, you may need to set a realistic expectation of what clean will look like for each child.
You may have a Peaceful Phlegmatic child that speaks carefully and avoids conflict or upset at any cost. This child will probably have smooth relationships that require little oversight or redirection. You may have a Powerful Choleric child that says the first thing that comes to mind, no matter how harsh or strong their words may sound. That doesn’t mean that the Powerful Child gets off the hook for learning to speak with gentle or kind tones. You as a parent may need to work with the Powerful Child to learn the power of their words and the effect on others.
Our personalities may be the reason that certain traits come easy for us. They may help explain a frame of reference. They may even help us predict or anticipate our child’s response. This does not mean that we enable or justify traits or behaviors that are unhealthy or not constructive. Our personality type is like a road map. We can figure out where we are, where we are going, obstacles we may come upon, and the best route to get where we want to be.
Our challenge as parents comes in teaching our children to live in their strengths. We encourage them to grow, practice, and learn those things that are necessary but not easy. We train them to use their natural strengths to develop good relationships and good character.
You may find that as you learn about the personalities, you have some questions that come up. Feel free to contact me if you have a question you would like me to address. I will take some time in the next few days to answer some commonly asked questions. I would love to take time to address your thoughts or questions as well. Visit TheYouZoo.com or email Jami@JamiKirkbride.com with your questions.